Sunday, January 1, 2017

Less Bitter, More Glitter





"Change is inevitable. Growth is intentional." - Glenda Cloud 

2016 is over? What? Are you sure? How did that happen? Did I miss a day or two?

I blinked and this year was over, yet there was an unbelievable amount of good (and not so good) that has happened in the past twelve months. I read the post I wrote at the end of 2015 and it inspired me to reflect on all that has happened this year. 

Something that seems so trivial to me now is probably one of the biggest accomplishments and changes of this year. At this point last year, I was well on the way to a full recovery from my eating disorder, and rarely felt anxious during regular meals. This year, however, I can confidently say that my mind no longer even ponders the same thoughts. I am a normal girl again. I eat my body weight in chocolate and pasta and I love every second of it. I am sure a big part of that shift came because I am no longer cheering, hence, no longer worrying (consciously or unconsciously) about my weight, flying, and being "easy to lift." I'm no doctor, but I will say that my mindset changed after the accident. I don't think that is coincidental. Suddenly starving yourself, after surviving what probably should have been a fatal crash, seems like a very unwise test of fate. 

Which leads me to another huge occurrence 2016. There was this accident that happened in February and I almost died, no big deal. I know someone is going to scold me for being so flippant, but humor has been the best way for me to cope with all the aftermath that has come with it, and do fully recognize how differently the situation could have turned out. (See my post about the accident here) I still have no recollection of that weekend, something for which I have come to be extremely grateful. As time passes, though, I am just a tad bit curious as to how everything actually happened.

Almost a year removed from all the chaos, though, I am unbelievably grateful for everything that has happened. I certainly wouldn't want to experience it all again, once was DEFINITELY enough, but it taught me so many valuable lessons. The thought of changing any of it fills me with a bit of trepidation.

It definitely taught me that I have more strength in my little body than I ever could have imagined, figuratively and literally. Some of the is me, a mindset of determination, but most of that is God. I swear, I've cheated death way more times than any 22-year-old should. Though I may have more hardware in my body than Iron Man, I'm just grateful to be re-assembled in one piece with no lingering pain. 

Taking another semester off from school was probably one of the toughest consequences of it all, but the summer allowed me to ease myself back into work and school while continuing to heal. While I was able to take a summer class, it wasn't until September that I was really forced to start swimming in the deep end.

I started the new school year knowing that I had slight memory and attention issues, but I foolishly assumed that my brain remained unchanged and returning to campus would be a breeze. 

School became more difficult for me to handle. For the first time since, well... ever, I had to make a conscious effort to focus in class, take diligent notes, and study everything. If I didn't write it down, there was approximately a zero percent chance I was going to remember it, and that was the most frustrating part. I had always been good at school. Academic challenges always came naturally to me, but that is no longer the case.

I was able to learn even from that, though. I never knew what a student's experience was like when struggling through material. I only had the perspective of a naturally gifted student who never really had to try too hard. Having a head injury, though, gives me an empathy that I would have never experienced firsthand had the accident not happened. So, really, crashing into a snow plow is going to make me a better teacher, right? 

This year truly has been weird and formative, and fantastic and strange and wild and I'm not entirely convinced that I ever regained consciousness. Am I in an anesthetically-induced parallel universe where Donald Trump is now the President Elect? Ha! you don't think I could really talk about 2016 without mentioning one of many unbelievably weird things that happened, did you? I promise, that is all I will say. 

While 2015 certainly gave me a sense of clarity and direction, 2016 forced me to be more intentional in my life. 
I now have to consider things I never had to before. Driving in weather conditions, considering the likelihood of a migraine, writing EVERYTHING down. Being intentional is something I have watched a million TEDx talks about, but would have never implemented without forceful circumstances. I suppose this year made me slow down a bit and actually consider what in the world it is that i am actually doing with my life. Going to school to achieve A's is not a life. Pursuing a passion, actively giving to those around me, participating within and experiencing the world? THAT is a life.

Highlights of 2016
NEW YORK with my best friend!
  One of these days I really do need to sit down and write a post about how wonderful it was! 
  Being less than 100 feet away from Princess Tea Leoni and The Handsome Tim Daly and the 
  Spitfire Bebe Neuwirth and some other cool MSec actors 
Not dying?
  Did I mention I was within spitting distance of TIM DALY? Soo Dreamy...
Junior Senior
Visiting the Kaminski House
  Being asked if my Insta post could be used for Georgetown marketing
Doing everything I should have done my freshman year of college
Chatting (and eating lunch!) with Dr. Brad about his Peace Corps experience 
Having a solid plan for the next 5 years of my life (Don’t worry, I know God is sitting on his throne laughing hysterically right now)
Not dying!
MAKING IT THROUGH A NORMAL, UNINTERRUPED SEMESTER OF COLLEGE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER 
Becoming a Writing Coach 
Finding charities and causes I can stand behind 

  (cough, cough you should check out UNICEF cough cough)