25 (More) Things that Bring Me Happiness

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"It might be that to surrender to happiness was to accept defeat, but it was a defeat better than many victories." -W. Somerset Maugham

As promised, here is part two of my list of 50 things that bring me happiness.

In writing the two parts of this post, I have found it is both extremely easy and extremely hard to compile a list of things that bring joy to my life. There are so many things, how can I possibly choose the most important? I definitely went into this post knowing I wasn't even going to scratch the surface, and knowing that there was no possible way I could make it chronological in order of "importance."

In compiling 50 things that make me happy, I found there are small things, there are big ideas, there are people, there are places, there are smells...there is so much in my life that brings me joy,  it is found not only in the extraordinary moments, but in the ones that feel insignificant. As a four-year-old, I never anticipated that memories of jumping into piles of leaves with my Pappaw and the dog would make fall nostalgic for me. I never knew the smell of mud and creek water would remind me of my grandparents. I suppose that is the glorious byproduct of living life. ""

Enjoy this second installment of 50 things that bring me happiness.

26.   Organizing ANYTHING
             I am a type-A perfectionist who doesn't sleep. What else could be done at two in the morning beside re-folding and re-organizing all of one's dressers? 

27. Reading a fantastic book
            Being at home has given me more time to read than I would EVER have at school, because of that I have rediscovered a lost love. It was definitely placed on the back burner with the combinations of academics and cheerleading, but I am completely unashamed to say that I treated myself to 10 books last week, and I can not wait to read them! 

28. Presidents and First Ladies
            I am so intrigued by government, but I could certainly do without the constant stream of scandals that comes out of D.C. Regardless, I find it fascinating when presidents and first ladies establish their platforms and find causes they are passionate about. It gives me a small glance into who they are and what they stand for. I suppose I enjoy seeing who each person is beyond the press room podium. Let's be honest though, the most important issue is obviously the Inaugural Ball gown. Those bring me great joy. 

29. The Bronte sisters
            Do I even NEED to elaborate? 

30. Sleeping babies
            They're cute and warm and smell so good and you can dress them up like little Chipotle burritos for Halloween. When they're sleeping though, they aren't crying. That's the important part. Two of my cousins recently had babies, and they are absolutely the most precious bundles of joy! 

31. Pick-up lines
            I'll admit, this is an amendment after the events of last week. Pick-up lines are so corny and tacky, and I've never heard one that actually works. I find [some] of them incredibly thoughtful though. If a guy is willing to compliment me and make me laugh upon meeting me, maybe he is worth a second glance.... Unless it's a dirty pick-up line! Steer clear of those ones, ladies! 

"I may have gotten a 5 on the AP test, but you're a 10." 

32. Puppies and kittens!
            I didn't have any pets up until I was twelve, so I didn't know the joy an animal could bring to a household until I was in middle school. My Macie girl was the light of my life for eight years. She was a mischievous little thing who always pulled the dish towel from the oven; she loved bananas, going on rides, and keeping my feet warm under her fuzzy belly. The Davis' home has felt quite empty since last October, but I'm sure my parents will break down any day and buy us another puppy. I would even be okay with a cute little kitty, but mom doesn't seem to like that idea too much. She claims she is allergic or something... 

my macie girl

33. Giving gifts and writing letters
            My post from a few weeks ago does an excellent job of putting a bow on this statement. I love making people feel appreciated and acknowledged. The best way I know how to do that is with cookies and handwritten letters. It's my thing. 

34. Lemonade
            I'm pretty sure it actually runs through my veins...

35. Pearls.
            They're classic. Never will pearls go out of style and that is what I love about them. Since I was young I have grown up seeing my Mammaw pair pearls with EVERYTHING. I suppose that is where my fondness began. For my sixteenth birthday she bought me my very own string that I will cherish forever. 

36. Meeting "random" people who end up changing my life
            Because of my wildly introverted ways, I tend to be forced into "chance meetings." 
"Jordyn," you may be saying, "this makes no sense whatsoever." Ah, but it does. Because I tend not to venture out of my social circle, I tend to build stronger relationships with the  people I do interact with. Those people who play "ceremonial" roles in the lives of my peers have often been the key players in my life: friends, coaches, teachers, bosses, elders, I can explain how each one has changed me.

37. Memoirs
            I suppose I am simply a nosy person... I would like to see myself as "inquisitive." That makes me sound less creepy, right? There is something so intriguing about someone's account of his own life. There are so many details that occur that only you, yourself can know, and if the author is willing to share, it creates such an intimate moment. Perhaps it is a letter from father to son, maybe it is a fleeting holiday memory. I feel so privileged to be invited into the author's life, and I cherish every detail that is divulged. 

38. Love
            It's cheesy, I know. I've mentioned it multiple times on this list, but there is something so comforting about two people who are madly in love. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic who hasn't found a husband, but longevity is something I admire. My parents have been married for 20 years and somehow they don't hate each other yet. That is inspiring.  

39. Expanding my vocabulary
            I literally spent three hours inputting college prep English vocabulary words into quizlet and not once did the thought "ugh, this is so mundane...this is excruciatingly tedious" cross my mind. Instead a flood of excitement washed over me when I saw a word I didn't recognize. While English certainly isn't a romance language, there are so many beautiful ways to articulate thoughts and feelings. Why would I ever settle for something as banal as "I am sad." 

40. My family
            They've been there for me since day one. Never have they left me feeling inadequate or inferior. They have always supported my endeavors, even when I was walking down every fork in the road...blindfolded. I am so fortunate to have such loving parents, and I hope to never take that for granted. Sure my fourteen-year-old sass machine of a brother makes me want to shove scissors into my ears sometimes... but I still love him more than anything. When he isn't busy bullying me, he's actually a pretty funny fella. 

I'm getting mush on ya...breaking out the Christmas photos

41. Helping others
            It brings me so much joy to relieve a burden from someone else's shoulders. If I can make life easier for one person, I would call that a successful day. That has often gotten me in trouble, and led me through some skewed thought patterns, but it is the fatal flaw that will never leave me. 

42. Recovery
            It's marvelous to eat whatever I want just because it sounds delicious. It is spectacular to not have purple nails. It is amazing to be able to walk up stairs. It is incredible to have enough joy in my life that I am writing an entire list about it. 

43. Hot apple cider
            There are few things more relaxing than an over sized mug of hot apple cider. I don't care if it is 95 degrees in the middle of July, a cup of cider before bed is perfect end to any day. 

44. My Mammaw Marilyn's recipes, sweaters, and jewelry
            My Mammaw Marilyn died when I was only four. As I have gotten older I have slowly lost the vivid memories I used to posses, but I have been blessed enough to have sporadic reminders of her presence in my life. I wear her quirky, cozy Halloween sweater when I'm cold. I have a locket with her picture in it. We even have her artwork scattered about our house. She was absolutely my first friend, and I am so grateful for the small reminders I have in my life. 

45. My Costa Rica perfume
            Every time I spray it, I am transported to my room in an open hotel in the middle of Carillos. I am reminded of the beautiful friendships I made on that trip and ways in which my life changed forever. Scent is powerful, y'all. 

46. Cheerleading
            Aside from writing, I am sure cheerleading was my first love. It allowed me to participate in an activity with friends, it allowed me to flesh out my competitive drive, it allowed me to try new things. It has even taken me across the country. Cheerleading is certainly stitched into my identity and I wouldn't have it any other way. To be clear though, I will be a-okay when I can no longer cheer. My body can't handle much more... Sprained ankles, dislocated knees, bruised vertebrae, concussions... you can take it all. 

47. Snow in December
            Snow is only acceptable in December. Not November. Not January, February, or March. December is a festive, magical month filled with cookies, and candy canes, and hot cocoa, and finals and sparkles. I can handle a month of snow, after a month is just becomes tedious. I do not want to scraped the ice off my car every day. I do not want to waste gas letting it heat up for 20 minutes. I do not want to drive with a blanket on my lap. Snow in December is magical. Snow in any other month makes me a hermit. 

48. The prospect of a woman president
**Disclaimer: I was told that if I mention anyone by name I will need to look for a different place to live. I like my house, so I will not anger the powers that be... Continue on.
            There are very few people who actually know where I stand politically. I will happily tell you that I do lean toward one side, but I accept policies and viewpoints from both parties; each have their strengths, each have their weaknesses--ignoring one side simply because of a label would be close-minded of me. 

With that being said, I would define myself as a lukewarm feminist. I want every option to be available to me--my actions may not always support the idea that men and women should be equals in all aspects, but y'all, I want the possibility to make the feminist choice! 

The prospect of a woman leading the United States of America is incredibly exciting! Our country has produced so many great leaders, and women have most definitely held those positions. Why shouldn't a woman run the nation? I am not saying I would vote for a candidate because she is a woman--she should certainly must be the most  qualified, but I believe there is a very real possibility that number 45 could be addressed as "Madam President," and that makes me excited for those who call themselves real feminists. 

Young girls are told they can "be whatever they want to be," yet if there are no role models for them to admire, how are they to believe it? Medicine used to be a man's game, now there are excellent female doctors in nearly every practice. Imagine if the same thing were true of careers in politics or engineering, or other STEM-based careers. Precedent can be broken, and it only takes one woman to do so. 

49. The smell of my Pappaw's hairspray
            Just as my dad's cologne brings me solace, so does the smell of my Pappaw's hairspray. It takes me back to my childhood and I am reminded of our games of hide and seek, our days spent skipping rocks on the creek, and he and I having Alan Jackson dance parties. The smell of my Pappaw's hairspray makes me feel protected and safe.  

50. Friendships I have formed over the past 20 years of living
            I have never been one to have a large group of friends, but the group of friends that has rotated with me throughout my life is more than I could have ever asked for. These girls have cried with me, gotten angry with me, rolled in the snow with me, and climbed on rooftops with me. Though we don't always speak, I am always grateful for the girls that made the world a little less scary and a bit more manageable. 

Before I sign off I would like to make one quick comment regarding a shift in the content of this page. Maybe you aren't interested in reading 50 reasons why I'm happy. Perhaps you are nosy and want to read about all the ways my eating disorder has destroyed my life. I made the decision a few weeks ago that very little of what I have left to say on this blog with be regarding my eating disorder. Whether it was conscious or subconscious I am not sure.

Originally I started this blog because I felt there needed to be more awareness given to the subject. Now, I believe I have said my peace. The words I needed to convey were typed out in the form of my story. I was open about my struggle, and now I am ready to move on. I am more than happy to talk about it if the situation warrants it, if someone is curious, or someone else needs to hear my story. Moving forward, though, very little content will deal with my eating disorder. For the first time in a while I am so genuinely happy, and I feel no obligation to dwell on how horrible the past two-four years have been. I am looking ahead, and I am incredibly excited to see what the future holds for me.

Thank you to those of you who have stuck with me through the unpleasant recovery posts and made it to the gratitude and happiness posts. You're the only reason this blog has become successful.

xoxo,
jkd

25 Things that Bring Me Happiness

"I must learn to be content with being happier than I deserve." -Jane Austen 

This post was originally entitled "50 Things that Bring Me Happiness." That entry was much, much too long and no one was ever going to read it. Don't you worry, though, you'll get part two of "25 Things that Bring Me Happiness" next week!

I wrote the majority of this post last week after returning home from school. It was a lovely autumn day, the leaves were changing, and for the first time in a while I noticed the pure, unadulterated happiness that ran through my veins. Something significant didn't happen; I didn't win the lottery or become a New York Times best-selling author... I was simply happy, which led me to write a post about some of the many things that make my heart smile.

It almost breaks my heart to write those words, because it feels like just yesterday that I was never going to find true joy. I hated my university, every person that spoke to me was a nuisance, My heart was always racing and my bones felt as if they would snap at any moment. Last Christmas I didn't even want to decorate, bake, or celebrate, and yet here I am, writing about the multitude of blessings that fill my life.

I apologize for this post being rather long. It's worth it, I promise!

*This list is in no particular order

1. The smell of my dad's cologne
            It has been proven that scent is the strongest sense linked to memory. One small whiff of my dad after he shaves or applies his cologne immediately puts me at ease. There is something about his scent that evokes comfort and provides the illusion of protection... And when he can't be there in person, He sprays it in his letters. 

2. Cheer bows
            Cheerleading is one of my greatest loves, but the beginning of a new season means one thing: new cheer bows! Anyone who knows me knows that the obsession is a little ridiculous; if it were socially acceptable for a twenty-year-old to wear cheer bows, I totally would. I don't simply love bows because they are adorable, though. Each bow I own tells a different story. Some tell of black and gold football Friday nights. Some represent a national championship. Still others send a nod to my recent days cheering on the Cougars. Each bow is a chapter within my cheerleading storybook. 

3. Seeing happily married couples
             It brings me so much joy to see couples who have been married for 20+ years, or even couples who are newly married. In today's society, there is an enormous focus on the fact that the divorce rate is fifty percent. Guess what? That means the success rate is also fifty percent! Every couple is going to have their struggles, but seeing two people who are passionately devoted to one another gives me hope. 

4. 60 degree weather
            Not too hot, not too cold. 

5. Jesus
            Do I really need to explain? If I had to it would be shorter than a thank you letter you don't want to write. I'm not sure I would be able to adequately explain all the ways in which He brings me joy. [Nehemiah 8:10]

6. Making Chex Mix and brownies with my Mammaw
            Homemade Chex Mix is a Christmas tradition in our family, while Mammaw's brownies are acceptable year-round. I love baking, but more than that I love spending time with my Mammaw. I haven't been in her kitchen for quite some time, but it never fails to bring a smile to my face. 

7. Orange leaves in the autumn
            Everything about autumn is gorgeous. I love the leaves falling, I love the green grass being covered in mounds of orange and brown leaves. I suppose it is all a bit nostalgic for me. When I was a little toad, my Pappaw would rake leaves into a HUGE  pile, then I would jump in promptly being followed by the dog. It was pure bliss if ever a four-year-old did know it. . 

8. COFFEE.
            I don't sleep well. It's no surprise to me, but it does get rather bothersome waking nearly every hour after two a.m. I have a hard time falling and staying asleep which makes for an extremely grumpy Jordyn at six a.m. If I can only drag myself to the coffee pot, there is hope. All I must do is fill my cup with that liquid energy and I will be able to make it back up the stairs to prepare for my day. 

9. Coming inside in the wintertime
            I love the winter! Okay, when I say that I am convinced what I actually mean is "I cherish the heat." There is nothing quite like playing in the snow, looking at lights, or shopping for Christmas presents on a cold, snowy day only to return to a warm, cozy home. 

10. Random cupcake runs with my best friend
            Yes, Kaitlin and I drove 45 minutes and endured a power outage at Polaris (INCLUDING THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS) simply to get our hands on a pumpkin spice cupcake. When you have a best friend that is allergic to chocolate, you will pretty much fly across the world when she finds a dessert she is actually able to eat. It was completely worth it, though. We enjoyed a delicious fall treat, and we had a wonderful girl's day.  

11. Making cookies
            Some of my earliest memories as a toddler are those of me and my Mammaw Marilyn baking together. Flour was always covering my face, we both ate more of the dough than we baked, and I always got to decorate the cookies in any way my small heart desired. Baking has always been a joy in my life, but it means even more to me now that I am in recovery. In the depths of my eating disorder baking was an activity which tested my self control. I would bake without the intention of eating anything. Rather I would watch other people eat. It's extremely strange, believe me I know. Now that I am in recovery though, I love baking cookies, eating cookies, giving cookies to other people, all of it. 

12. Being productive
           What can I say? I'm a type-A who loves making to-do lists. 

13. Decorating for Christmas
            The Christmas season is my absolute favorite time of year. It's a magical time in which the air smells like cinnamon spice and glitter falls from the sky. The simple act of putting up the Christmas tree and decorating it instantly turns the living room into a warm, intimate hideaway. I love rummaging through the old ornaments my brother and I have created, hanging each one in its rightful spot on the tree. 

14. Period Pieces
            There isn't a movie about World War II that I haven't seen. 

15. Bundling up!
            I run cold, so there is nothing more satisfying than putting on a pair of fuzzy socks, a sweater, and curling up under a blanket.. It's not always socially acceptable to wear a sweater under a jacket under a coat under a mountain of scarves to school. Sometimes I just have to bear the cold nose for a few hours and race home to bundle up for the remainder of the evening. 

It's starting to get chilly again, and I am unashamed to say that last night I watched jeopardy with a scarf around my neck, fuzzy socks on my feet, and a blanket enveloping me. 

16. Jeopardy!
            Every night, without fail, Jeopardy is always on in our living room promptly at seven o'clock. Kaitlin has often told me that my brain is too full with useless trivia. True statement. Is it because I watch so much Jeopardy or do I watch so much Jeopardy because I have an endless stream of useless facts running rampant in my brain? Truthfully, I simply love being correct... Watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune with my Mammaw Marilyn is yet another one of my earliest memories. Clearly I operate on tradition and nostalgia. 

17. A beautifully written sentence
            A beautifully written sentence makes me stop. It's often simple, sometimes short, but it is always profound. You know the sentences I'm talking about...the ones that make you shut the book and steady your breathing and reevaluate your entire life. No? No one else gets that excited about beautiful words? Just me? Okay, move along. 

18. Reflecting on all God has done for me
            My life looks nothing like I imagined it would as a twenty-year-old. I never expected to have an eating disorder. I never expected to be in Partial Hospitalization...twice. I never expected a furlough in my college career. I never expected any of it, and yet somehow it has all guided me to the exact place in which I need to be. Everything has lined up perfectly so that I can succeed right here, right now...something for which I surely don't praise Him enough. 

19. Dancing in my car
            There is nothing quite as perfect as driving on a cloudless, breezy, autumn day. The scenery is beautiful, the temperature doesn't drop me in the middle of Siberia, and the music is blaring, my favorite song filling the otherwise empty car. For three minutes all is well in the world. Nothing else matters, and I can sing and dance along. My heart is happy. 

20. Mammaw and Pappaw's house
\            My Pappaw makes the best fires. Sitting by the fireplace, warming my feet is my favorite on bitterly cold winter days. Inevitably, the fire always produces a hazy drowsiness that hits everyone by the end of the evening. Their house comforting and soothing; it puts me at ease and eventually to sleep.  I always end up under a mountain of blankets snuggled up with my Mammaw and the puppies.  

21. December
            It's my birthday month. It's Christmas. It's snowy. It's festive. It's magical. It's perfect. 

22. People who smile
            There's nothing more refreshing than a kind smile on a gloomy day. 

23. Angsty Country ballads
            I don't watch horror movies, but listening to angsty country ballads is the closest I will ever get. Reba's music video for 'The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia'  maxes out my tolerance level for "scary movies." The story lines are intriguing, the music is unsettling, and I am hanging on every word, waiting for the bombshell to be dropped. 
Some of my favorite angsty country ballads: 
The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia by Reba
Midnight in Montgomery by Alan Jackson 
Three Wooden Crosses by Randy Travis 
Fancy by Reba 

24. School
            School is absolutely one of the biggest source of joy in my life; it has been since the journey began. It is one of the few atmospheres where I am completely comfortable and in my element. I revel in the opportunity to learn new information. I am inspired to consider different viewpoints that challenge my own. I relish any chance to write papers that exemplify and synthesize my thoughts. I simply love everything about school....so much so that I apparently decided I am never going to leave....

25. Pumpkin flavored anything
           I'm going to begin number 25 by getting an unpopular opinion out of the way. I am not a fan of Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Latte. It's a whole lot of latte and not enough pumpkin spice. Okay, now that we have that established, I adore everything else that isn't the PSL: pumpkin pie, pumpkin spice cupcakes, pumpkin spice oreos, pumpkins spice kisses, pumpkin spice hot chocolate, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin puppy chow.... It's all delicious and lasts about 2.6 seconds in my house. 

It's autumn, I'm in recovery, I'm halfway done with my semester-long furlough, I have a stockpile of great books to read, I know what I want to do with the rest of my life, and I'm so incredibly happy. I encourage everyone to make a list of things that bring you joy, things you are grateful for. It doesn't have to be 50 things; it doesn't even have to be 25 things. Making a list of those people and things that brighten your day will certainly turn even the gloomiest of days around... I promise.  

xoxo,
jkd 

A Lost Art

I"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Maya Angelou 

Handwritten letters absolutely melt my heart. I suppose that is the secret writer within me manifesting itself in my life. I have always loved the physical act of putting pen to paper and pouring out my thoughts and feelings to be received by another person. More than that, though, I love the joy a handwritten note creates. 

Since I began school I have been a constant stream of short stories about my weekend and imaginative fantasies, but my favorite form of writing has always been a kind note sent to a friend. 

It's kind of my thing. 

Such a vital piece of who I am relies on making others feel appreciated. I know all too well what being taken advantage of feels like, what being skimmed over feels like, what receiving no credit feels like. It's horrid and dangerous and breeds ambivalence and virulence.

Which is why I write letters.

I cannot control the events that may happen in a friend's life, but I can certainly influence a brief moment of happiness, a brief moment of joy. Perhaps I am naive, even narcissistic for believing I can create joy, but given the choice, I would rather fail trying than not try at all. 

During graduation season, I don't bother to stock up on generic cards. I receive more delight in recording spontaneous memories and shared experiences that are specific to my friend. I want to convey my pride and assurance that they will do great things beyond high school. To me, that is more heartfelt, sincere, and valuable than any cookie cutter, Hallmark card could ever be. 

I write thank you letters to let friends know how much I appreciate their gifts and their presences. I make sure to let the people I love and admire aware of their invaluable worth in my eyes. Every year, dating back to elementary school, I have given my teachers a combination of baked goods, Christmas cards, and letters of gratitude. 

I promise I'm not a suck-up... I simply want people to feel appreciated. 

Regardless of what other students were doing or saying, I always felt compelled to make sure my teachers felt appreciated. As I got older, I realized just how important kind words are. When other high school students were busy hating teachers, insisting they were being purposely failed, I felt a conviction stronger than ever to reach out to those who had invested so much in me. 

I have been blessed with excellent teachers. (that almost doesn't seem strong enough... They're basically the reason we're not all working at McDonalds our entire lives.... you should really thank someone for that.) While students and parents are so quick to blame teachers, to let them know what they're doing wrong, I always felt a responsibility to let them know how significantly they had impacted my life. In an environment that fed on hostility and teenage angst I wanted to make sure those who had taught me for one, two, even three years knew how much I appreciated their work. 

It's amazing what a few kind words will do. Not only does it make the recipient feel acknowledged and grateful, it makes me feel as though I have made a difference. Perhaps that is selfish, but it brought joy to my heart to see someone else smile. Even as a little munchkin I knew that kind words sent to another were priceless. 

It costs nothing to be a decent human being. 

I suppose this post relies heavily on the principles I outlined last week. Using the gifts and talents we possess to enrich the lives of those around us is exactly what we were called to do. Writing, although it is hard for me to believe, is one of my gifts. It is only in re-reading cards and letters I have saved that I came to the realization that I have been using it since I began scribbling the alphabet. 

It's my thing. 

xoxo, 

jkd

When I Am Weak, Then I Am Strong

"Success means we go to sleep at night knowing our talents and abilities were used in a way that served others." -Marianne Williamson

Yes, I am a day late, but hopefully there is a consensus that I am not a dollar short. 

To be completely honest, Tuesday rolled around and I had no idea what I was going to write about this week. Wednesday dawned and dusked and I lost hope, giving up on the idea that I could crank out some quality writing in a matter of hours. 

But then something astonishing happened. As I was drinking my coffee this morning I was reminded  of a passage I had completed yesterday in my War Room Bible study. In a post I wrote a few weeks ago, I mentioned Moses' uncertainty, Joshua's fear, Gideon's doubt, and Jonah's flight. Oddly enough, yesterday's assignment focused on just that, and I decided to dedicate an entire post to it this week. 

The particular assignment focused on weakness and how God takes full advantage of it within us. It is when we feel the most incomplete, the most incompetent that He completes us and suits us up for battle. 

Exhibit A: 

"But Moses said to the Lord 'My Lord, I've never been able to speak well, not yesterday not the day before, and certainly not now since you've been talking to your servant. I have a slow mouth and a thick tongue.' Then the Lord said to him 'Who gives people the ability to speak? Who's responsible for making them unable to speak or hard of hearing, sighted or blind? Isn't it I, the Lord? Now go! I'll help you speak, and I'll teach you what you should say.'" Exodus 4:10-12

As a shy girl, I can most definitely relate to Moses' distress. I tend not to speak a great deal when I am in a group, and I often doubt my own abilities. Am I intelligent enough? Tenacious enough? Persistent enough? These thoughts have risen as I consider a career in education. It is a mile and a half outside of my comfort zone, and that terrifies me! God makes it perfectly clear to Moses though. I am the one who gives you strength. I am the one who gives you skill. Anything you lack I will give you! Despite his deficits, God still used Moses to lead the Israelites out of oppression. I am certain, if He called me to a career in teaching He will surely help me fill my deficits so that I can rightly glorify him in the position. 

Exhibit B: 

"The Lord's messenger came and sat under the oak at Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite. His son Gideon was threshing wheat in a wine press to hide from the Midianites. The Lord's messenger appeared to him and said 'The Lord is with you, mighty warrior!' But Gideon replied to him, 'With all due respect, my Lord, if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are His amazing works that our ancestors recounted to us, saying, didn't the Lord bring us up from Egypt? But now the Lord has abandoned us and allowed Midian to overpower us.' Then the Lord turned to him and said, 'You have strength, so go and rescue Israel from the power of Midian. Am I not personally sending you?' But again, Gideon said to him, 'With all due respect, my Lord, how can i rescue Israel?My clan is the weakest in Mannasseh, and I'm the youngest in my household.' The Lord replied 'Because I am with you, you will defeat the Midianites as if they were just one person.'" Judges 6: 11-17

Gideon truly believed that his meekness would hinder him. He had no idea why God was calling upon him to defeat an army when he was the youngest in the weakest tribe. I used to believe the same thing. I believed I could never be an acceptable role model because I had an eating disorder. I believed I would never do anything noteworthy because I was simply mediocre. This blog has taught me otherwise. While I may not be reaching thousands of people, I receive comments nearly every week telling me my posts have impacted someone in some way. I may not speak a ton, but I can write. I may not be the best writer, but I have been told that it is a gift. While I'm not reinventing the wheel, I am impacting my circle with the tools I have been given. It took me a long time to realize that changing the world doesn't always happen on an international stage; it often happens within the heart of one passionate individual. 

There are countless stories throughout the Bible just like those of Moses and Gideon. I'm sure you are tired of reading though. If you made it this far...kudos! I appreciate your dedication! 

If you take nothing else away from this post, take this: God can and will use you. He doesn't need us to be perfect, He is completely fine with using broken, incomplete vessels, for it is in our weakness, our deficit that He is able to complete us and shine brightly. 

So don't ignore those gifts and talents that you do possess. God will use them in combination with His perfect power to change the world from right where you're standing. 

xoxo, 

jkd