Life Isn't a Competition

"Progress, of the best kind, is comparatively slow. Great results cannot be achieved at once, and we must be satisfied to advance in life as we walk, step by step." - Samuel Smiles 

By now you have surely noticed a theme. I expect nothing but excellence from myself, and I view everything as a competition. Getting the best grades, being the busiest, being the fastest to heal...It's all a race.

After having knee surgery my sophomore year of high school, I was told I wouldn't be able to cheer for another six months. So naturally, I threw a backhandspring at tryouts less than two months later.

Taking last semester off allowed me time to regroup, to examine why my competitive ways drove everything I approached. (See my post To the Perfectionist) As the saying goes, though, old habits die hard. As soon as I stepped back on campus, my need to be excellent returned. It was as if the break that had taught me so much had been erased. I dove in head first, determined to ace every one of my eight classes.

Everything is a competition. If I was in a bracket, I would be sure to have difficulty of schedule and most points scored. It would only make sense to send me to the next round...

Life sent me an upset, though.

Unfortunately, I am foolishly stubborn and I don't learn from my mistakes until I've made them multiple times. 

Everything isn't a competition. This isn't March Madness, and no one is a number one seed. Maybe Mother Theresa is, but I surely am not. 

This school year has been more than unpredictable. Just as I felt myself catching up, I stumbled again. My classmates are graduating next year; they are getting married and starting their careers. I, on the other hand, am at home asking my mom to cut my food. What am I doing?

I'm healing.

Rushing back to school isn't going to earn me a medal. Returning to class won't make me graduate any faster. My parents have had to remind me (almost daily) that it will only cause me disappointment and feed my anxiety as I watch my grades suffer, forget assignments, and struggle to read. School is always going to be there, that doesn't change simply because my priorities have.

Life isn't a competition. There is no prize for "most credit hours." Employers don't care who set the curve. Breaking news: they don't even mind if college takes you five years to complete. There is no rush. The world won't stop spinning and there is no reason to compensate for lost time. Life is a journey, and there is nothing wrong with a momentary time out.

If I have learned anything in the past month, it is that my sights have been set for a finish line, a podium. Every day is a blessing, though, and I have taken each for granted. I must learn to go slow. I must learn to take this life breath by breath.

xoxo,
jdk

Welcome Back...

"Let us pick up our books and pencils. They are our most powerful weapons." Malala Yousafzai 

I love school, and I absolutely adore mine.

I started school on January 11th, and I knew this semester was going to be completely delightful. I was reunited with my best friend, we were cheering on our Cougars from the sideline, and my course schedule was packed full.

I began the semester with 15 hours, but because of scheduling mishaps my advisor added a course, taking me to 18 hours. She kept telling me to drop a class. It's not a race, 18 hours probably isn't the best coming off of your furlough.

Naturally, I ignored her advice and kept all 8 classes and handled it gracefully. I was looking forward to the weeks upcoming when cheerleading would end, and late night practices would allow me more time to do homework and sleep. For the time being, I knew I could balance it all, though.

I hit the ground running, and I returned to campus more ready than I had ever been. I was ecstatic to be back on campus, and I wasn't going to take a single second for granted.

My education classes excited me for the future and my English classes brought me to life. How great is it that I was receiving credit for two classes that allowed me to read and discuss short stories, poems, and plays?!They actually let me read, discuss, and watch adaptations of Shakespearean plays...

For the first time I was taking a drama course, and I was given the opportunity to advertise for MVNU's spring play. I had never been involved in a production, and to be quite honest, it made me extremely nervous when I scanned the syllabus. It ended up being a great experience I was looking forward to. Even though drama had never been an interest of mine, it quickly became one! I couldn't wait to sell tickets and unveil opening night.

Going back to cheerleading was just another aspect of returning ot MVNU that filled my life with joy.  I was given the opportunity to cheer on my Cougars, I was stunting again, and I got to do it all with my best friend in the air with me.

I couldn't be more grateful for the first four weeks of Spring 2016. It was absolutely everything I imagined returning to MVNU would be and I can't wait to begin my journey as an Integrated Language Arts major!

****

I have been sitting at home, unable to do anything for nearly three weeks. It finally became too much to bear, and the writing bug bit me again. While I'm not supposed to be using the computer, I couldn't stop myself from writing another blog post. Sure, it took me much longer than it normally does, but I'm hoping my writing hasn't suffered too much. 

This surely wasn't the first post you were expecting after everything that has happened. For that, I'll apologize. I want to share what happened, but I'm not positive I'm ready to do that just yet. It is probably going to remain a draft until it is deemed acceptable by my tired, editing eyes.  Eventually I'll share, but right now, I just needed a dash of positivity in my life to reveal how glorious the first few weeks back to school have been. School is truly where I belong, and I wouldn't depreciate that by starting with any other post.

Excuse me while I take a nap now...

thank you for being patient with me,
xoxo,
jkd


**Disclaimer: I apologize if my writing has changed or suffered in any way. You'll learn why in the near future.