Life Isn't a Competition

"Progress, of the best kind, is comparatively slow. Great results cannot be achieved at once, and we must be satisfied to advance in life as we walk, step by step." - Samuel Smiles 

By now you have surely noticed a theme. I expect nothing but excellence from myself, and I view everything as a competition. Getting the best grades, being the busiest, being the fastest to heal...It's all a race.

After having knee surgery my sophomore year of high school, I was told I wouldn't be able to cheer for another six months. So naturally, I threw a backhandspring at tryouts less than two months later.

Taking last semester off allowed me time to regroup, to examine why my competitive ways drove everything I approached. (See my post To the Perfectionist) As the saying goes, though, old habits die hard. As soon as I stepped back on campus, my need to be excellent returned. It was as if the break that had taught me so much had been erased. I dove in head first, determined to ace every one of my eight classes.

Everything is a competition. If I was in a bracket, I would be sure to have difficulty of schedule and most points scored. It would only make sense to send me to the next round...

Life sent me an upset, though.

Unfortunately, I am foolishly stubborn and I don't learn from my mistakes until I've made them multiple times. 

Everything isn't a competition. This isn't March Madness, and no one is a number one seed. Maybe Mother Theresa is, but I surely am not. 

This school year has been more than unpredictable. Just as I felt myself catching up, I stumbled again. My classmates are graduating next year; they are getting married and starting their careers. I, on the other hand, am at home asking my mom to cut my food. What am I doing?

I'm healing.

Rushing back to school isn't going to earn me a medal. Returning to class won't make me graduate any faster. My parents have had to remind me (almost daily) that it will only cause me disappointment and feed my anxiety as I watch my grades suffer, forget assignments, and struggle to read. School is always going to be there, that doesn't change simply because my priorities have.

Life isn't a competition. There is no prize for "most credit hours." Employers don't care who set the curve. Breaking news: they don't even mind if college takes you five years to complete. There is no rush. The world won't stop spinning and there is no reason to compensate for lost time. Life is a journey, and there is nothing wrong with a momentary time out.

If I have learned anything in the past month, it is that my sights have been set for a finish line, a podium. Every day is a blessing, though, and I have taken each for granted. I must learn to go slow. I must learn to take this life breath by breath.

xoxo,
jdk