But for the Grace of God

"Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I have ever been." Iain Thomas 

As I get older, I have found that my parents weren't lying when they said "time flies." It seems I was just celebrating my 20th birthday, fretting about what I would eat, stressing about the lack of organization, and trying not to have a meltdown in the middle of Northstar Cafe.

Fast forward 12 months, I have rediscovered the joy of life, I have a permanent smile stretched across my face, and finally feel like I am becoming the woman God intended me to be.

Last year was characterized by multiple rounds of treatment, and a girl who had no idea what she was doing with her life. I had no direction, I felt no joy; my only ambitions were staying skinny and maintaining a superb GPA. 2015 looked as if my goals would remain the same.

Reflecting on the first few months of this year, I feel as though I am reading the words of a different person. In a way, I suppose I am reading the words of a different person. My words seem so ridiculous now, but at the time, they were exactly what I needed to say. How have I undergone such a drastic transformation in just a year?

Change is one of those things that we often don't see on a daily basis. Perhaps we do not even notice a shift after a month, but how beautiful is it, that at the end of the year we can reflect on the past 12 months that lay behind us and see just how much a year can hold?

If you have known me for any length of time, you are probably aware of just how uncomfortable change is for me. I live miles within my comfort zone, and rarely venture outside of it. It is no coincidence that my favorite ice cream is vanilla. I absolutely do not rock the boat, so it only makes sense that a year of changed would be a year of forced change. 

If change were left to my own decision, it would never happen. I'm sure we all possess a bit of that stubborn will. Who wants to be uncomfortable when life can remain the same? The only problem? If you change nothing, nothing changes. Feel free to quote me on that, I'm publishing my profound, philosophical musings in 2017.

As one who has always looked forward to school, I began September knowing that the semester ahead would be one of the longest and most painful. Then something incredible happened...it became one of the best experiences I could have imagined.

Not even two days after receiving the devastating news that I would not be returning to Mount Vernon, I was in the classroom of one of my favorite teachers asking her if I could be her shadow for the semester. I'm not sure why, but she agreed, and the following months taught me more about myself than I ever would have learned while in school.

I immediately began volunteering, and I can safely say that I was quite taken from day one. I had considered English Education as an underclassman in high school, but from a young age I have been convinced that passion and career cannot overlap...what a devastating concept to internalize!

Barely two weeks into my volunteering I knew what needed to be done. I was going to change my major from Psychology to Integrated Language Arts Education. It is something I thought about, prayed about, and worried about for a good while, but I made the change, and I couldn't be more excited. But really, one of my textbooks is a complete collection of Shakespeare works, and you would have thought I bought a golden pony based on my excitement when it came in the mail...

I am so grateful for this leave of absence. I am so grateful my mom suggested volunteering at the high school. I am forever grateful for the teachers that allowed me to crash their classrooms.

The readmission process was a frustratingly bumpy one, but even that facilitated growth within me. I am more aware of everything that goes on behind the scenes in a college admissions office. I now know why there are timelines, and how decisions are determined. I learned how to effectively communicate with those who held my fate in their hands. And I may have learned how to send emails with read receipts, high importance marks, and deadlines for response, because "Dreams don't work unless you do." 

2015 has most definitely been a year of twists and turns. I have always made the comment that if God wants me to do something, He better give me a billboard with neon lights and arrows that I can see from a mile away.

So, if you're ever feeling frustrated that you are in need of the same measures, keep in mind that God allowed me to be  forcefully "suggested" to "take a break" simply so I could readjust my sails a bit. I need big signs, but I certainly wasn't expecting one that grand...

Despite the unpredictable ride this year has taken me on, I wouldn't change a thing. I am most certainly not the same person who began 2015, nor should I be, and that is the greatest gift of all. The year has created a strength, a tenacity, and an assertiveness within me that I wasn't even aware could exist within meek, little Jordyn. I am so proud of the person 2015 has forced me to become.  

Thank you so much to everyone who has walked this journey with me! May there be many more updates and blogs filled with joy in the New Year!

xoxo,
jkd

Highlights from 2015
- Being inducted into Psi Chi National Honor Society
- Forming relationships with some of the best professors EVER
- Stunting with Morehead State All-Girl
- Turning 21
     - Drinking Lemonade from a wine glass on my birthday
     - Trying wine at Christmas and hating it
- Kentucky National Showcase with the team
     - Being stranded in Kentucky due to bad weather...
- Rediscovering my love of writing
- Volunteering
- Watching a member of the Wolf Pack become the first American Ninja Warrior
- Vacation to Myrtle Beach
     - Day trip to Charleston and Magnolia Plantation
- The Farmhouse and their baked apples....
- Working at Joann's
- My parents making it to 20 YEARS!
- All the books I read!
- Enjoying Christmas again!
- FRIENDS!
- Starting this blog

It's Official...

"A woman is like a tea bag. You'll never know how strong it is until it's in hot water." -Eleanor Roosevelt 

This morning began as every day before it has. My alarm went off and I trudged groggily down the stairs to retrieve a steaming cup of coffee. I then hurried upstairs and returned to the warm solace of my bedroom where I readied myself for the day ahead.  

I strolled through the empty halls of the high school and patiently waited for Mrs. B to unlock her room. I was looking forward to another routine day grading papers and observing the magic that is a high school classroom.

I was perfectly content grading "In Cold Blood" quizzes and unit tests for most of the morning. Nothing spectacular had happened, but I was happy to be volunteering my time helping out a teacher that has been so important in my life. 

It was then, at 10:16 a.m., that the email I had been praying for arrived. 

"Dr. Browning contacted me to say that you are cleared to return for spring semester." 

I nearly jumped out of my chair as a flood of excitement consumed me. I scurried into the hallway and immediately called my mom. "I'm going back to school!" I laughed through the joyous tears that streamed down my cheeks. A smile stretched across my face as I felt a huge weight crumble from my shoulders. 

I returned to the classroom,  barely able to contain my euphoria, and sat quietly grading papers for the next hour, texting a simple "I'M BACK IN" to my dad. Emojis were obviously included. 

The 5B lunch bell rang, and that was my cue to finish up. Before leaving the high school, though, I had to make one stop. I slid through the rush of students heading toward the cafeteria, grateful I was tiny, and ecstatic I no longer had to push my way through these masses on a daily basis. 

I reentered Mrs. B's warm, inviting classroom unable to harbor the tremendous news for much longer. 

Aside from my parents, she is one of the only others who has known the details and happenings of the dramatic saga that has become the past three months. It has been such a blessing to have someone involved who is able to be objective, yet is so invested in my future. She has been a constant source of support and encouragement, and I couldn't be more grateful. 

As I continued on with my day, it was impossible for me to shed my smile. For the first time in weeks I didn't feel frantic. I didn't feel like time was running out. I didn't feel like my hopes of returning to school were slipping away. 

I was in. 

It was only when I finally arrived home that the reality of the situation hit me in full force. I stepped through the doorway to feel a rush of warm air hit my face and a wave of exhaustion wash over my body. 

I have been worried about my return to school since the day I was told to take a leave of absence, but I have been frantic, fretting my return since the beginning of November. It was only then I was informed of the re-admission process. With Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks thrown in the mix, it gave me very few working days to check off the laundry list of requirements I would need to fulfill in order to step foot on campus.

The past several weeks have kept me operating on stress and adrenaline. I've kept my head down and focused on accomplishing everything on my "Return to MVNU checklist." Today it all converged and I was finally able to take a breath, and that is when it all finally caught up with me. 

It has been the most wonderful kind of exhaustion though. I am going back to school. I am returning to my second home. I am returning to a place filled with friends, with family, the place that will unlock the key to my future.

I could not have asked for a more perfect birthday and Christmas present.

God is so good.

xoxo,
jkd