Returning to School?

"The struggle you're in today is developing the strength you'll need for tomorrow." -Robert Tew 

 Many of you who follow this blog know my story or have read the condensed version that I posted on here about six months ago (for newer followers you can read my story here).With that being said, if you know me or have interacted with me for more than five minutes you know how deep my love for education runs.

I love to learn, I love to excel, and I love to push myself to boundaries that seem nearly impossible. I write this, not to boast, but  to set up today's post.

As some of you may remember, I was scheduled to meet with the director of student life back in June. Due to some administrative changes, however, I did not have that meeting until last night. I wasn't delaying a update, I truly had no clue as to my residential status at MVNU.

I come today with an update.

I will start off by saying, if you pray, I could really use it right about now. After reading what I have to say, you will understand why.

Yesterday evening I met with my school counselor and a representative of student life. The purpose of the meeting was to discuss the level of eating disorder behaviors and symptoms I was experiencing, and whether or not I was mentally and physically fit to be a residential student this fall. Much to my displeasure, I got my answer almost immediately.

"We unanimously decided that taking a semester off would be in the best interest of Jordyn." And with those simple words I was forced into a semester-long medical leave of absence.

I honestly cannot remember too much after that point. For 14 years school has been my constant; it has been the peg on which I hang my hat, and in a matter of minutes two people told me that it would be taken away from me.

I held it together for the sake of finishing the meeting, but the second that meeting was over, I broke. I had been in such a state of denial, that getting the decision I did hit harder than a ton of bricks.

All I have ever wanted is to go to school, but it looks like for the next five and a half months that is not going to be an option.

I went through stages of denial and anger last night. Today, waking to this hellish nightmare has left me wanting to bargain. Right now all I can do is throw myself completely into getting my affairs in order. I have professors to meet with, scholarships to take care of, and a room mate who needs to hear the news. I cannot be focused on the fact that I am not returning to school (until spring 2016), if I fixate on that I will surely break down and throw a pity party for one. I cannot let that happen.

For now I have to trust that this is God's will. Sometimes He has to use drastic measures in order to get our attention and I have no doubt that this was my 'drastic measure.' Without something as huge as the absence of school looming over me, I doubt I would have sustained a long period of recovery. With this new motivation, however, I feel more driven than ever to stay in a healthy state of being.

I absolutely hate that this had to happen, but I know that God has a bigger plan for all of this suffering. I know He will use me. He doesn't allow pain without rhyme or reason. He makes all things work together for my good.

"To keep me from becoming conceited there was given to me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of satan to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me, but He said to me 'My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12: 7-10

xoxo,
jkd