February 12, 2016

"She could not make sense of the things that were meant for her, but she was drawn to it all. And when she was alone, she felt like the moon: terrified of the sky, but completely in love with the way it held the stars." R.M. Drake

This has certainly been long-awaited and much overdo; perhaps it is the incredulity of it all that urged me to share. I promised this post before the dust had even settled, but it has only been within the past few days that I have been able to form coherent thoughts about the events of the past few months. \

Mere weeks after the accident I posted a litany of jumbled thoughts, hoping that I would be on the fast track to normality. Recovery has certainly been a longer, more difficult road than I anticipated, though, and it is only three months later that I can say I may be close to a baseline normality.

Sharing this makes me extremely nervous, but I know it is only to glorify God. As the apostle Paul said "Now I want you know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel." Philippians 1:12

*Note: I don't remember any of Friday or Saturday, everything I know has been told to me by my family and friends.

Friday, February 12 was a frigid evening, and it had begun to snow while I was at work. Around 9:30 I left, intent to return to school where I had a weekend filled to the brim with homework, assignments, and papers. I pulled out of the parking lot, and that is the las t memory of the evening I have.

For good reason, my parents didn't show me pictures for a long time

There were white out conditions and I collided with a salt truck. The driver was fine, but my car was totaled and the salt truck had to be towed. After telling the first responders my name, birthday, and mom's name I was rushed to Grant Medical Center with a multitude of broken bones and internal injuries. 

I was in the ICU on life support for nearly 15 hours before I was stable enough for corrective surgery for my arm. Once I was finally able to breathe on my own, the first words I spoke were "I have assignments to do!" At least we know my priorities hadn't shifted.

Sunday afternoon is when my memories return. I knew I had been in an accident, but somehow I never doubted my survival. For a long while I was angry that I couldn't remember that night. Now, I am able to see that it is just another way in which God had his hand over me.

Monday came, and I was barely able to walk down the hallway without an overwhelming sense of dizziness and nausea consuming me. Climbing stairs made me feel as though I was passing out, yet I always felt an overwhelming sense of strength within me when leaving the bed. I never pushed myself to an unattainable limit, rather I never questioned what I knew was possible.

And somehow I was able to go home five days after being admitted.

By no means was I healed, but I was walking, talking, and breathing on my own... Much more than could be said on Friday night.

The road to recovery would be long and painful. I would have to withdrawal from school, leaving my semester unfinished. I would have to do physical, occupational, and speech therapies to regain strength, cognition, and balance. (And I would just like to point out the fact that I was able to help my brother with math homework)

Seeing pictures, hearing stories, and reading the police report continue to leave me bewildered. How did I survive such an impact? How was no one else injured? It could have turned out so much worse, but it didn't. Those questions have brought perplexity, but they have also brought uncertainty.

While I have always known this is a story that needs to be told, time has left me fearful. Do I share too much of my life? This isn't my story, though. This is God's work, his medium just happened to coincide with my life.

I am not the main character of this miracle, though. God is the protagonist of this story hundreds of people are responsible for prayers that allowed to story to continue. My moves toward a full recovery would be insignificant without the prayers of those who surrounded me and my family. The number easily spans the country, from California to South Carolina and I could not be more grateful.

While I am still plagued by constant headaches, I got behind the wheel for the first time almost three months after the accident to the day. I am slowly easing myself back into school by taking a summer course, and it is going better than I thought it would. (and has revealed that my leisurely pace post-accident is still considered intense.... who knew?)

As is my hope with all my posts, it is my hope that this brings comfort to someone, restores hope for someone, reveals the light of God to one person. He is the only reason I am alive and healthy and on the road to a full recovery.

"So they cried out to the Lord in their distress, and God saved them from their desperate circumstances. God gave the order and healed them; He rescued them from their pit. Let them thank the Lord for His faithful love and his wondrous works for all people." Psalms 107: 19-21

Glory be to God,

xoxo,

jkd