There is nothing quite like returning to school. It has been much too long since I sat at my desk, since I had "me" time, since I tried shoving my entire wardrobe into a tiny closet. I am so excited to be back!
Yesterday was officially my last day of MAP and my first outpatient session will be on Tuesday. It is certainly a bittersweet feeling. I am going to miss all the friends I have made along the way, but I know I am ready to move on to bigger and better things. I'm ready to move on from my eating disorder and dive head first into recovery. I'm so over feeling horrible--both mentally and physically. I want more out of my life.
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| I'm not quite there yet, but I'm inching my way closer |
I have spent ten weeks in an airtight glass box with constant support and accountability. The real world was put on hold while I tried to regain my footing. Now that I am back at school, though, there are no time-outs. Class starts on Monday and I will only be seeing my outpatient therapist twice a week.
We did create an accountability plan though...which is both comforting and terrifying at the same time. There is little room for me to "mess up." I suppose it is a good thing--my eating disorder will do anything to find loopholes in the rules. If I do have a slip, though, my fear is that there will be no negotiation--that I will be sent back to PHP. I'm not going to try not to focus on what could go wrong.
I'm going to focus on the fact that I'm so happy to be back on campus! I can't wait to see what God has in store for me this semester. I'm determined to make the next 13 weeks the best of my college career thus far.
xoxo,
jkd
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