Recovery Update
Current Mood: Irritated
Today the Cougars took the court and once again I was not there to cheer alongside my teammates. It has been roughly ten weeks since I've been able to practice, stunt, or cheer at games and I am counting down the days until I can get back to it.
Cheerleading has been quite a popular topic amongst my treatment team the past couple of days. I have one week of MAP left, and then I move to outpatient on February 2 (coincidentally also the first day of spring semester). I have no doubt that it is going to be a hot topic between me and my outpatient therapist. This week multiple clinicians, my therapist, and my dietitian have all asked me if I plan to return to cheering when I go back to school. My answer without any hesitation was "yes."
As long as I am cleared to cheer, I will cheer. I can't imagine a medically stable life without it! The resistance I have been met with certainly isn't super comforting, though. I can see where the hesitation is coming from... a recovering alcoholic wouldn't spend eight plus hours every week hanging out at a bar.
Everyone has their own opinion on what I should do. Many members of my treatment team believe that going back is an excellent route--that doing an activity I love will assist my recovery process. Other members of the team think that it is simply too triggering. They worry that I will go back to comparing my weight and my ability to that of my teammates, and that it would only end up reversing the progress I have made over the past ten weeks.
There is the potential for it to derail my recovery. There is also the potential for the government to shut down tomorrow and for anarchy to sweep the nation, but there are guidelines in place so that that doesn't happen. The same goes for my recovery. Once I go back to school my life doesn't turn into a "free for all." As hard as it is going to be I still have to challenge thoughts and follow a meal plan. My treatment team should know that!
I think NOT cheering could be more harmful than going back could ever be. Even thinking about not cheering is enough to bring on a panic attack.
Current Mood: Irritated
Today the Cougars took the court and once again I was not there to cheer alongside my teammates. It has been roughly ten weeks since I've been able to practice, stunt, or cheer at games and I am counting down the days until I can get back to it.
Cheerleading has been quite a popular topic amongst my treatment team the past couple of days. I have one week of MAP left, and then I move to outpatient on February 2 (coincidentally also the first day of spring semester). I have no doubt that it is going to be a hot topic between me and my outpatient therapist. This week multiple clinicians, my therapist, and my dietitian have all asked me if I plan to return to cheering when I go back to school. My answer without any hesitation was "yes."
Everyone has their own opinion on what I should do. Many members of my treatment team believe that going back is an excellent route--that doing an activity I love will assist my recovery process. Other members of the team think that it is simply too triggering. They worry that I will go back to comparing my weight and my ability to that of my teammates, and that it would only end up reversing the progress I have made over the past ten weeks.
 |
| I'm actually Superman. |
I think NOT cheering could be more harmful than going back could ever be. Even thinking about not cheering is enough to bring on a panic attack.
I experienced a year without it when I was in high school and it did not turn out well. The time and energy that was once split between school and cheerleading was funneled solely into school and my eating disorder. My fear is that the absence of cheerleading is what will keep my eating disorder around.
I've been told that I need to find different hobbies. I don't even know what a hobby is! Cheerleading has been my life for thirteen years. I can't imagine anything else that could possibly relieve stress and fulfill my need for accomplishment in quite the same way. I love it.
I've been told that I need to find different hobbies. I don't even know what a hobby is! Cheerleading has been my life for thirteen years. I can't imagine anything else that could possibly relieve stress and fulfill my need for accomplishment in quite the same way. I love it.
Like I've said before... it's a love / hate relationship that sure does know how to stir up trouble.
Recovery is full of tough decisions in all aspects of life. Though I have no doubt what I want to do, the reality is that I have to consider what the best option is going to be. Honestly, though I value what my treatment team has to say... I think I have already made the decision that is best for me.
Now I just have to be cleared to go back...
xoxo,
jkd
Recovery is full of tough decisions in all aspects of life. Though I have no doubt what I want to do, the reality is that I have to consider what the best option is going to be. Honestly, though I value what my treatment team has to say... I think I have already made the decision that is best for me.
Now I just have to be cleared to go back...
xoxo,
jkd
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