A Spirit of Gratitude

"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or we can rejoice because thorn bushes have roses." 
-Abraham Lincoln

Eventually everything is going to work itself out. It may not be on my timeline, it may not be the picture I painted, but everything will work out. 

It's a line my mom has been feeding me for years. Recently, though, it seems she has had to repeat the truth just a bit more often. I am quite the worrier, and every bump in the road seems to cause me more distress than it should. I have a bad habit of catastrophizing any given situation. I deny there is even a problem, then when that plan falls apart I immediately jump to worst-case scenarios. I go from zero to sixty in no time flat. 

If you would have  caught me a month ago, that is exactly the scene you would have watched unfold. I was in complete denial that there was even the slightest possibility I would not return to campus for the fall semester. Then, in a matter of minutes, everything came crashing down around me. Things tend to hit you harder when you aren't prepared, and I certainly wasn't prepared. 

So telling me five weeks ago that I would be happy - grateful even - probably wouldn't have gone over too well. I would have had to stifle the urge to punch you in the face (Let's be honest, we all know that I would never actually be able to punch anyone, but believe me... the thought would definitely have crossed my mind.)

It's September 30, clearly time to embrace autumn. 

But that is exactly what I am today; I am grateful. 

I am grateful for a school that cared for me enough to make a difficult decision. They recognized how important school was to me. They recognized how high my GPA was, but they also recognized that I would never make the decision to willingly take time away from school. It was through horribly unfair, completely botched protocol, but MVNU and every person I have encountered there truly wants to see me succeed. There are a select few professors and staff members who definitely have changed my life and are willing to do whatever it takes to get me to graduation. 

I am grateful for a God that has a plan for my life. For fifteen years I have kept my head down, and worked diligently to be the perfect little girl. In the midst of pleasing everyone around me though, I got lost. I found myself a college junior with absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I had spent the better portion of my high school and college careers pursuing tracks that I believed would make those around me happy. Though I am terrified to follow through with the plans He has for me, I have an odd sense of peace that I know can only come with faith and obedience to Him. 

I am grateful for parents who have supported me. Both my mom and dad have been by my side since day one, but over the past year they have been champs. They have poured thousands of dollars into treatment for me. They have learned about the neurobiology of eating disorders. They have ceaselessly encouraged me, and they have stood behind me in a time of dark uncertainty. While I don't think both are completely on board with me choosing such a drastically different path so late in my college career, it hasn't changed their outlook for my life...They want me to be happy.

I am grateful for teachers who have allowed me to crash their classrooms. Had I been in school I would have continued on as a psychology major and I never would have given teaching a second thought. God works in mysteriously subtle ways. This is not one of those times. There are neon signs flashing all around me directing me through the fork in the road.

The teachers I am assisting have assured me that I am the one doing them the service, but I would be lying if I said it was a one-sided experience. It brings me so much joy to see the process each student goes through. Obviously I am not there every day, nor do I grade every assignment, but when I see students comprehending what they have been taught I feel like a proud mama... Okay, maybe a proud older sister is more accurate.

I probably sound like a broken record. This week's post was really a combination of the happenings of the past month. In just a few short weeks a situation that felt like a catastrophe has completely turned around and I decided now would be as good a time as ever to relay just how grateful I am for this crazy ride. Remember, no matter how bleak a situation seems it will work out and there will always be something for which we can be grateful.

xoxo,
jkd